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wanderingumwelt


WanderingBi

My thoughts on being Jewish, bisexual, and putting my life in order


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Missing the point
wanderingumwelt

This is a response to Heshy Fried's The Catch 22 of Frum Jewish Gays (I tried leaving it as a comment, but I'm not seeing it show up at the moment). [frum meaning religiously observant]

That's the whole problem - being gay isn't about the sex, it is about the love. By framing things around sex you miss the point and gloss over the central human conflict. 
   
If gay pride were just a "politically correct" term for people flaunting that enjoy anal sex, then it indeed would be an absurd thing to talk about anywhere but in private. Just as a straight-people-who-enjoy-missionary-style-sex-with-their-spouses contingent would be absurd to have in the Israel Day Parade. 
But being gay (or lesbian or bi) is about who you love, (and being trans is also about being who G-d created your essence to be and affects how who you love is perceived). If your besheret (soulmate) is of the same gender as you, how is that anything but divinely ordained? If two women get married, (who would presumably not be violating the prohibition of anal sex), adopt a few children, and bring them up in a loving Jewish home as proud orthodox Jews, how is that anything but holy? 
Some may say it would be better for each of these women to marry men and have unhappy marriages: as a child of divorced parents, I wouldn't wish anyone to grow up in a dysfunctional home. Kids know when their parents love each other and when they don't, and the latter can be very damaging to the children. My parents' divorce wasn't bitter or ugly and it still affected me deeply.
What about the men, who would want to marry somebody who can't love them the same way, what kind of pain would that be? How could you be anything but lonely in a marriage like that? Didn't G-d himself comment on how it is not good for man to be alone?

And last but not least, what about the women? Are you saying that the Master of the Universe, who loves each and every person that has ever and will ever live, don't deserve a partner that they can love? That because of how they were created, they don't deserve the same joyful loving marriages that straight women do? 
As for the not acting on it comment in the article: "Yeh, yeh – what about those who don’t act on it? If I was gay, I would sure as hell be acting on it…just saying." Some 20-30% of the general population gay men don't have anal sex. If so many non-halachic people choose to live without anal sex for non-halachic reasons, what is to stop frum gay Jews from avoiding it too?